Anger and Grief Does Everyone Get Angry?
Its normal to associate sadness, but what about feeling anger and grief? If you are dealing with grief or have in the past, it is likely heard of the stages of grieving. It is said there are 5 stages in the grief cycle. So where does anger fit in with grief? and does everyone get angry. Grief is such as personal experience. Therefore it is difficult to say what anyone will feel. With this is mind we talk about the stages of grief and then we look at grieving and anger.
“Anger” is the second of the Five Stages of Grief created by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. This is the first time in any stages of the grief process where you’re actually expressing your emotions and acknowledging the loss.
But, “anger” can mean a lot of things and it manifests itself in several different ways. So, let’s go over what to expect when you enter the anger stage.
Why Anger?
If you’re feeling sad because of the loss, why does it tend to show up as anger? Well, it all comes down to covering up your true emotions and hiding your sadness and grief from the outside world.
Think about it, you’re going through a tough time and you’re overwhelmed with emotions overall. At the same time, you’re angry about the loss and just want to find someone or something to blame for your pain and suffering.
Targeting your anger toward specific people might be unwarranted, but it’ll most likely be your first method of coping with the loss.
What to Expect
You might find yourself angry at just about everyone and everything. It’s quite common to be a little snippy and short with people. Even if they mean well and are just trying to lend a listening ear or a helping hand. Lashing out is common too.
Potential Sources of Anger Related to Grief
- Anger at the doctors or nurses for diagnosing your loved one’s medical condition. (Or not diagnosing it sooner)
- Self anger, often people are angry with themself for not doing more: This may be not spending enough time with your loved one, not doing enough to save them r stopping an incident (Even if there was nothing you could of done).
- Survivors guilt – or anger for not being the one who could take the place of another
- Toward the person or thing that left you. You miss them so much that you are nagey with them
- Anger at your loved ones for not understanding your emotions or how you’re affected by the loss
- Unfairness at the world. – You wonder how ‘this’ happened to you. Everything seems like it’s falling apart and the universe is ganging up on you. Negative things keep happening to you specifically
- Frustration that comes out as anger. Overwhelmed with unwanted advise or lack of understanding.
Above are a few reasons that brig grief and anger together.
Even though you know your anger isn’t rational, it feels as if it is at the time.
Dealing With Anger and Grief
Often times you are not even aware that you are angry. There is so much emotion that it’s difficult to make head nor tales of anything. But when you catch yourself, it’s important to express to another that you’re struggling with your emotions.
Acknowledge Your Anger
This may help them to understand that you don’t mean what you’re saying. And you are struggling. People will not always understand. After all when you are grieving you feel what you do uniquely. HOwever, that does not mean you can lash out or hurt anyone else. Though it happens unintentionally.
Helping Someone Grieving
In the same it is helpful for those who have a loved one grieving to cut them some slack. Acknowledge that they are in grief. And not to push them to far. We all have well meaning advice but sometimes they need to talk and just vent. Not everything can be ‘fixed”.
Getting Through the Anger
While there’s no good way to rush the grieving process, there are some ways you can limit the effects that your emotions are having on those around you. That’s especially important when you find yourself lashing out at those who don’t deserve it.
First, take some time to yourself and allow yourself to process the loss. Give yourself some space to handle your thoughts and emotions alone first before you begin opening up to those around you.
Find good coping strategies. It’s not okay to take your anger out on other people, so find a healthier way to handle your anger. Intense exercise can help you to burn off some steam while going out into nature might make you feel more relaxed.
The goal isn’t to simply cover up the anger, but rather find a better method of letting it out.
Concluding Grief and Anger
Anger is an unavoidable stage of grief (for the most part), but that doesn’t mean that it has to ruin your relationships with those around you. Remember that there’s nothing that could’ve been done, and hindsight is always 20/20.
Take some time to acknowledge your emotions but understand that your impulsive anger won’t solve anything in this situation. Do your best to rid yourself of any lingering anger by finding a healthier coping strategy to avoid taking it out on other people. With this said there are times when people overstep boundaries and give unwanted advice. Grief is something that does not come with a had book. It is a learn as you go experience and remember we are all doing the best that we can.
