Grief and Denial Stage Of The Grief Process
Grief and denial is synonymous for many people. The pain of grief from loss felt in life is a very real process. But grief takes time, and it is a unique process to each person. As a means to help people understand and there are 5 stages of grief. The one we talk about today is the denial stage.
“Denial” is the first stage of the Five Stages of Grief compiled by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kesler. In essence, this stage occurs when you first hear about the loss. The first reaction is when we are in shock and disbelief. And we may insist that it’s not really happening the way it appears. We may even be in such disbelief that we think it is going to change. As if it not real, like a nightmare.
But, there’s a lot more to this “denial” than what the word implies. So, let’s go over what really happens when you’re in the denial and grief stage.
What Does Denial Mean
When a major loss occurs, often the first thought may be be, “this can’t be happening.” For a little while after that, you might refuse to believe that a loss has actually occurred (or will occur) and continue life as normal. The mind can play tricks you can picture the one you’ve lost, you can see them, and you imagine a different outcome.
And it’s not that you don’t believe that the loss, but that you don’t want to believe it. It’s as if as long as you convince yourself that they’re still alive,or that you’re still together, then everything is right with the world. It can lead to the place where you avoid your emotions which is a way to stay in denial and keep you ‘safe’ and away from facing your grief.
Avoiding Emotions with Grief
Sometimes the trauma is all too much to face, and your mind will do anything to try and protect you. But when you deny that something traumatic has happened, it’s likely you are avoiding any type of emotion that’s typically involved with grief.
Instead of breaking down it is possible to appear if there is no grief. To the outside world, it might look as if you are aloof or unaffected by the loss since. This is because you may show little or no outward emotion.Delatig
By forcing yourself to stay within the denial stage, it is like that you will experience delayed grief. So, instead of experiencing the emotions of grief right now, they will take a long time and may even take years to process. Eventually grief will occur. Keeping it all inside will take a toll on your overall wellness.
This means….
- Grief will occur and the grieving process may take days, weeks, months, or even years
- Similar to that of PTSD an event or trigger can suddenly ignite the grief without warning
- The suppressed grief will begin to wear away at your emotional and mental states
- You’re only delaying the grief, not completely avoiding it
The most harmful thing you can do when you’re grieving is avoiding your emotions altogether. So, as painful as your grief may be. it is important to allow yourself to feel what you feel. And to begin and continue through the grieving process in order to finally feel some emotions.
Slowly Transitioning Through Grief
Denial is normal, but keeping it in for a long time is not helpful in healing. After denial and grief you eventually find yourself transitioning over to a state of anger. If there is any such thing as a positive part of grieving, the anger won’t hit you out of the blue and at full speed.
Over the course of a few hours, days, or weeks, you’ll eventually start to formally acknowledge to yourself what’s really going on. You’ll realize that the relationship is really ending, your loved one is really sick, or that you have lost someone or something that is part of your life.
Once it starts to set in, the emotions will begin to slowly release themselves. You might begin to question how you can possibly continue on with your life after such a traumatic and emotionally draining loss.
The important thing is to just let yourself feel your emotions as they begin to take over. Remember that, as much as you deny that the loss is truly happening, it doesn’t mean that it’s really not happening.
Final Thoughts on Grief and Denial
Once a major loss occurs, you’ll find yourself in a state of complete shock as you begin to dissect the emotions associated with losing someone or something you truly valued. However, this first stage is often void of emotion and leads you to a state of complete denial.
When you’re in the denial stage, you refuse to admit that you’re experiencing the loss or that it’s really happening the way it seems to be. Over time, you’ll eventually come to terms with the loss occurring and begin to feel some sort of emotion.
