The Stages of Grief Kubler-Ross
Grief and loss are unavoidable parts of the human experience. At some point in life each and every one of us will experience loss in some form. Where there is loss there is some form of grief. Moving through grief is a process. But the stages can helpful when trying to understand the process of loss and grieving.
But what is important to know is that loss and grief will affect each one of us in a different way. Since we are all unique no two people will have the same experience. However, there are stages of grief that many people can relate to.
With this said in this article in talk about grief we take a brief look at the stages of grief according to Kubler and Ross.
Key Facts About Grief
- Grieving is a process
- The way out of grief is through it
- Grief comes and goes
- It takes time to go through the grief process and that time is unique to each person
- Avoiding the process of grief can lead to serious emotional and psychological issues
- The support of others can help with the process of grief
- By giving oneself time and grace, it is helpful when processing grief, so one can move forward in life
The Stages Of Grief
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first introduced what is now commonly referred to as the Five Stages of Grief. In her 1969 work, On Death and Dying, Kubler-Ross outlined these five stages as representing the feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy based on her many years of work with terminally ill cancer patients.
The stages she outlined were: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Denial
The initial stage outlined in Kubler-Ross’ process is denial. Denial is typically characterized by shock and numbness. The psyche develops a protective mechanism that initially causes the impacted individual to respond in disbelief (Kubler Ross stages of grief, n.d.). This actually helps us process what is happening by slowing the onset of our understanding thereby allowing us to pace our emotions gradually over time (Kessler, 2013).
Stage of Anger
Anger is the second stage of the Kubler-Ross model. Once the reality of what has happened sinks in,the shock and numbness is replaced by rage and resentment.
Though displayed as anger, it is said that this stage is truly just displaced pain. As the psyche tries to find a rationale for why the loss took place, in the initial stages, often there are no logical/acceptable answers.
This lack of sense causes hurt which we experience and project as anger (Kubler Ross stages of grief. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.journey-through-grief.com/kubler-ross-stages-of-grief.html).
Bargaining Stage of Grief
The third phase of the Kubler-Ross stages of grief is bargaining. This stage involves going to a higher power and essentially trying to barter for the return of whatever is lost or in the process of being lost.
An example might include asking God to save the life of a loved one pronounced brain dead or trying to make a deal with a boss to get a job back after just being fired. Bargaining can also be experienced as thinking in “what if” or “if only” terms. For instance, “What if I had done this?” or “If only I had done that.” This stems from a desire to return to a life before the loss, so one focuses on scenarios that could have potentially prevented the loss from occurring.
Depression
Depression is the fourth stage of the Kubler-Ross model. This stage involves the realization that the loss is, in fact, going to take place. Its characterized by deep sadness and sorrow regarding the loss.
The length of this stage varies from person to person, and its length and severity are heavily influenced by the type of loss experienced (i.e. physical, social, job, etc.). For some, this stage lasts days or weeks, while others can experience this stage for weeks or months.
Acceptance in the Stages of Grief
The final stage of the Kubler-Ross model is acceptance. Acceptance is simply the realization and acknowledgment that the loss has occurred and it is a reality.
This is not to be confused with the belief that a person is in agreement with the loss that has taken place. It simply means that there is a realization and that it is not possible to change the outcome. When one reaches the stage of acceptance it is possible to shift the focus towards moving in the direction of a “new normal”, instead of trying to go back or getting stuck in the stage of loss.
Grief Is A Process
Grieving is a process. It takes time to go through each of the stages of grief as outlined in the Kubler-Ross model. Additionally it’s important to know that there is no pressure to rush through these stages of grief.
Concluding the Stages of Grief
It is crucial to know that it okay to feel what you feel. Grief and loss are unique to you. Take time to process your grief and all the emotions and stages in their entirety. This is part of healing from experiencing loss. By giving oneself time and grace, grief can be processed, and one can move forward in life.
References:
Johnson, P. (2007, February 1). Coping with death and grief. Retrieved from https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/coping-with-death-and-grief/
Kessler, D. (2013, October 15). Five stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler. Retrieved from https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
Kubler Ross stages of grief. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.journey-through-grief.com/kubler-ross-stages-of-grief.html
