5 Dysfunctional Ways People Deal with Grief
When grief strikes there is no way of telling how it will affect you. Some people feel numb, others panic as they try to make sense of what seems senseless. And through it all it’s easy to fall into a dark place. And what is important to notice (and not always obvious) is the dysfunctional ways people deal with grief. Why is it important to recognize these dysfunctional coping strategies? Recognizing them may help you to avoid these potentially negative strategies that can hinder the grieving process. And to avoid potential side effects that can take an extra toll on grief on life as a whole. So let’s talk about –
Dysfunctional Ways People Deal With Grief
Sadly most people are not taught or ‘allowed’ to express their feelings. For this reason many people unknowingly or unwillingly end up suffering more than than necessary.
To help you recognize the pitfalls when it comes to healing, we talk about five dysfunctional ways people deal with grief and their tough emotions.
This way if you or someone you care about is handling these feelings dysfunctionally, it’s time to rethink or process these emotions. This results in dealing with them in an unhealthy way, or, often worse by not dealing with them at all.
Here are 5 Ways People Deal With Grief in Dysfunctional Ways
1. Hiding Emotions
Some emotions are painful, and they can leave people feeling shame and embarrassment. And this pain can leave anyone especially vulnerable, especially if they want to appear strong and in control. But hiding emotions only gives the illusion of control. And when we hide our difficult feelings, it’s easy to miss out on the opportunity to connect with others and get help.
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Anger
If you don’t accept and deal with your difficult feelings, they can build up inside you and turn to anger. Feelings of anger may become violent or harmful towards yourself or others.
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Sadness
Sadness can lead to depression and missing out on the many good things in your life.
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Guilt
Hidden guilt often leads to low self-esteem or overcompensating by trying to always be perfect. And because no one is perfect all the time, failure only adds to the guilt.
You may fool other people by hiding your emotions, but you won’t fool your body.
Physical Danger of Hiding Emotions
The stress you place on yourself from hiding difficult feelings can lead to:
- sleeplessness
- poor eating
- and, ultimately overall poor health
There are many more functional ways of dealing with difficult emotions, including talking with a friend or a professional. If you hide your difficult feelings, you aren’t allowing yourself that help.
Thinking How You Feel Will Never Change
It feel as if emotions of intense pain and grief will last forever. And it may not feel like right now but in time the level you experience will in time change.
When you are hurting emotionally, it may seem like the pain will never end. Thinking that you will feel this way forever shuts out the possibility of a better time and better feelings. You may create a vicious cycle for yourself that becomes even more dysfunctional and leads to greater unhappiness.
Repeating Triggers
When you are dealing with difficult feelings, certain things can become triggers that continue to make you feel bad. Your ex-boyfriend or spouse’s favorite song may be a trigger. Rethinking hurtful comment someone made to you, or dwelling on a mistake at work can also be triggers.
Revisiting these triggers over and over is a dysfunctional way of dealing with difficult feelings.
If you allow these triggers to upset you every time, you’re exposed to them, you only solidify your difficult feelings. Triggers can become a weapon against yourself, which leads to guilt and shame. Similar circumstances can also become triggers, causing you to react poorly in other situations.
One thing that some people in grief may do is to punish themselves for something they had no control over. Torturing ourselves leads to additional pain that can cause physical, emotional and overall damage.
Stuck in a Negative Cycle
Any dysfunctional way of dealing with difficult feelings can lead to a negative outlook. Negativity feeds off itself and creates even more negative views.
If you’re feeling angry about something, you may transfer that anger to other situations or people. If you feel like you’re failed once, you may start feeling like everything you do is a failure. Your negative outlook will ruin your present circumstances and add to your negativity.
Running Away (Escaping)
One of most damaging and dysfunctional ways of dealing with grief and loss is by running away or finding ways to escape the pain. But instead of helping you cope with grief ‘escaping’ can create a complex cycle of adding more hurt to your life. These way of escaping can damage your self-esteem, and affect your present and future situations.
Running away can lead to a string of bad decisions. From making a physical move too quickly, to making poor financial decisions or worse turning to alcohol, drugs or other addictions in hopes of numbing the pain.
Running away can take the form of excessive drinking or doing drugs. These behaviors only make things worse. Running away can also be avoiding the very people who can help you or refusing to work things out with someone you feel wronged you.
In reality, another person may feel bad about what they did, but if you run away from them, they will never get the opportunity to apologize and make things better.
Running away can also be physical distancing. Leaving a job or relationship without dealing properly with the issues only drags those dysfunctional ways and difficult feelings into or relationship. Running away really doesn’t get anyone away from difficult feelings.
Concluding 5 Dysfunctional Ways People Deal with Grief
When grief is dealt with in dysfunctional ways it can ruin self-esteem, damage health, and keep a person stuck in their life. So if you recognize any of these dysfunctional means of coping, it’s time to find better ways of managing your feelings and emotions. This way you will be better able to cope in a healthier way that will serve you while you move through the healing process.
